It’s a sweaty Thursday, the sun is shining and PAPER is hanging out at the last place people linger around at daylight — The Box. The exclusive, erotic Manhattan haunt is being transformed as the artist formerly known as Addison Rae puts on an intimate performance for a one-night-only Spotify fan event.
When we slide into the venue (post having glitter and jewels added to our face by hostesses in French maid costumes) and sit down near the stage, we can hear a bell-like voice chatting with a photographer on the balcony upstairs, cheerfully apologizing for the teeny-tiny length of her bright yellow dress. When she finally makes it downstairs, there’s a radiance about her — one of the indescribable energies you only feel when a star is in the room. She smiles at everyone, giggles between questions, and (as Lorde implied recently) seems completely comfortable in her body, as she shifts and poses in front of multiple cameras.
After answering questions from Spotify fans on camera — explaining her decision to go blonde, why she called her debut album Addison (it just sounds like her) and which song she wrote first (it was her ethereal summer bop, “Diet Pepsi,”) she comes to sit beside us in a booth at the center of the room. “Thank you for being patient with me,” she beams. PAPER congratulates her immediately on what she’s created and asks how she’s feeling. “I’m sad,” she responds, shifting her face into a frown, before explaining that the songs she’s been working on, which up until now only belonged to her and her friends, will now be dissected by the world. We tell her that what we’ve heard is so far is sensational, and that the only bad reviews we’ve seen are that it’s too short — everyone wants more. She lights up with a childlike grin, “That’s a good sign.”
A few hours later, she’s on stage, and the somewhat shy, cherubic personality that had sat beside us, lingering past the cut-off point of our chat to talk give hugs and thank yous, is replaced by an icon — there’s no doubt that the small room is watching pop music history happen in real time. We lean over the balcony, singing along and cheering at her burlesque-esque, jazz-infused, performances of “Fame is a Gun,” “High Fashion,” “Aquamarine,” “New York,” “Headphones On,” “Diet Pepsi,” and “Times Like These.” Is this how it felt to catch Destiny’s Child at a mall? Britney Spears at a label showcase? As the performance draws to a close, we send our apologies to Addison haters who thought she’d have a short-lived career. She’s clearly here to stay.
Below, Addison talks to PAPER about her debut album, her shift from TikTok celeb to formidable pop star, and how she hopes fans feel when they finally get to hear her debut.
Congratulations! How are you feeling? You created something that everyone’s gonna hear tomorrow.
I know! It’s crazy. I don’t know, I’m feeling sad.
Yeah?
But happy.
What’s the sadness from? Having to share something that you’ve been keeping to yourself?
Yeah, it’s just so personal. It feels like a little secret between me and my closest friends, which was a nice feeling. But it is nice to share, and it definitely feels like time.
People have been very much shocked by your transformation — the Addison Rae they we were introduced to online and the you we know now. And perhaps for you it just feels like a natural change, but also what has been the most transformational experience that has led you to who you are now?
A lot of openness. I shy away from safety in a lot of ways or things that feel comfortable. Although I do really enjoy routine for the most part. I do like to challenge myself and try new things and bend the rules sometimes. And I’m lucky enough to be supported in those ways by the people who are close to me. I think that allowed me a lot of exploration within myself. I was really afraid for a long time of how people perceived me. But I started looking inward and focusing less on what people thought about my life or how to live it or following the parameters of how people expected me to be and behave and I think I started expecting that less and thinking about the fact that this is the only chance I have to accomplish my dreams.
Were you surprised, at all, that doing things your own way worked better? Was it validating?
Yes, it was validating. I think it was really validating, especially with “Diet Pepsi,” because that was the first song I wrote on the album.
That’s wild by the way.
I know. It’s really crazy. Me, Luka [Kloser] and Elvira made that song, pretty much finished that song in two days. That was our first time ever really meeting or spending time with each other ever. And it’s just a room of three girls. We didn’t have any high expectations or anything and of course that’s the first thing we made which just felt so magical and beyond us in a lot of ways. We just leaned into it and kept going. I think I was really lucky that I got such a safe space in that way. I was around people that really supported me in discovery which is really nice. And I think everyone deserves to have people in their life that support them in this time of discovery. Life is just one big discovery. I mean, we’ve never done this before, nobody has.
Yes! Nobody has.
Nobody’s done this before!
What’s a song fans haven’t heard that you’re really excited for them to hear tomorrow?
Maybe “In the Rain.” I’m definitely curious to see what people think about that one. I’m really excited for them to hear “Times Like These” as a whole. And also “Summer Forever.” It’s a really beautiful love song which is very rare for me to dive into that in my life.
How did you feel about sharing a love song? Were you uncomfortable? Did you do it without thinking?
I did it without thinking, yeah. It subconsciously, just made sense. I had written things in my notes like “I wish it could be summer forever,” and like “My friends are the reason why I wish it would be summer forever.” And then I was like “Love is why I wish it could be summer forever.” If you have a good love in life, it feels like how you feel in the summertime. So I just leaned on that idea and I shared that with Luca and ELVIRA and I was like “I feel like we have to write a song called ‘Summer Forever’ that’s like ‘You make this feel like Summer Forever, this feels like Summer Forever.’” That one, it was really vulnerable for me but really exciting. Who knows, maybe I’ll make more love songs. A lot of my songs are very introspective, though. I think that this phase of my life and where it’s led me has made me introspective in a lot of ways and curious about myself.
You’re in your world.
I’m in my world.
I can only ask one more question. Let me say, that I’m so excited for people to hear what you’ve created. And also, you talked about Addison being your name but also the essence of who you are. When you hear something or see something or find a dress or fill a room like this and think “This is Addison.” What does that feel like for you? How do you know that that’s you?
How does it characterize it?
Yeah.
Me and my best friend do this all the time. Anytime we see a movie poster or if there’s two things anywhere … it could be objects, it could be a painting, it could be animals … we’ll be like “Oh, that’s so me and that’s so you!” We’ll always point that out to each other or within the objects. And mine, my characteristics, tend to be very loud outwardly but controlled and contained. I feel like my life has been a journey to discovering the perfect space between freedom and control. I love to be very free but I also love to be in control and on top of things and serious. But I also like to have fun. So I think most things that reflect that tend to be things that I’m like “That’s so me.”
That makes sense with the album being very free flowing, but clean and sharp.
And short and tight and sweet.
Photography: Getty for Spotify
